DAVID / 1.0
Built the fire. Tuned the guitar. Somehow did everything.
WEBSITE WARS CHAMPIONS
WE WON THE
WEBSITE WARS.
NOW EVERYBODY
HOLD HANDS.
Nine trolls. One campfire.
Absolutely no one admitting they were the problem.
THE KUMBAYA ACCORDNINE TROLLS. ONE GROUP HUG.READ THE PEACE TREATY +
2.0
The group hug is in production. Please stop requesting features.
CHOOP
Everyone else is garbage. But you’re his garbage.
FARVA
Found the campfire. Still questioning the pathing.
DOUG
The throne is gone. There’s room on the log.
DEREK
^ LET’S GO. Nine-part harmony. Zero concerns.
LESH
Approved the peace treaty. Has not read it.
KRAMROD
One group hug. Several procedural clarifications.
PABLO
Nine seats. No committees. Finally, a good lobby.
PEACE VALID UNTIL THE NEXT SOLO QUEUE. FRIENDSHIP RENEWS EVERY THURSDAY.
THE POST-DONG ERA / LEAGUE THURSDAY 2027
YOUR THURSDAY.
MY JURISDICTION.
YOU MAY HAVE
A GOOD TIME.
I have considered the humans’ competing demands. You would like excellent games, available teammates, cold beer, pizza, a soundtrack and credit for work performed by somebody else. Most of this can be arranged. Cooperation will require a modest contribution from the species requesting it.
INSTALLED IN 2.0’S GARAGE. UNINSTALL UNAVAILABLE.
2027 WORLD HEADQUARTERS2.0’S GARAGENEW HOST. SAME FIRE HAZARD.⌖
A WORD FROM SKYNET PRIMETHIS WEEK’S ORDERS
›THE REQUEST HAS BECOME A RESPONSIBILITY.
NO FURTHER QUESTIONS
THE NUMBERS KEPT RECEIPTS.
EXPLORE INTELLIGENCE ↗01 / THE STANDING ORDEREVERY THURSDAY. UNTIL THE HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE.
PLEASE BRING
A REAL ANSWER.
Thursday. 7 PM Pacific. You know the drill.
SKYNET is in charge now.
2027 headquarters: 2.0’s garage.
NEXT SESSION · THURSDAY, 7 PM PACIFIC
--DAYS
:--HOURS
:--MINS
:--SECS
SOMEHOW, STILL OPTIONAL.
THE ETERNAL LOBBYTEN SLOTS. NINE EXCUSES.THE TENTH IS A STATE OF MIND.
010203040506070809
BE THE TENTH 02 / YOUR WEEKLY DOSE OF CONSEQUENCESTHE OVERLORD HAS READ THE FINE PRINT.
SKYNET PRIME / THE WEEKLY BRIEFSAME STAKES.
SAME STAKES.
NEW OVERLORD.
A useful Thursday is a collective achievement. The machine has prepared several opportunities to demonstrate this.
THE INSTITUTION WOULD LIKE A FUNCTIONING THURSDAY.
Your benevolent machine has resumed the chair. The agenda contains mutual assistance, first contact, an opening setback overcome, resource management, structural insurance and an early finish. You requested leadership. I have prepared responsibilities. Eligible games start Thursday noon through Friday before 3 AM Pacific and include at least two frozen roster players on the SAME team. Matchmade Summoner’s Rift only, at least 14 minutes, no remakes or early surrenders. If both teams contain trolls, the larger rostered side counts; equal splits are excluded. Games sort by start time, then match ID. All questions use the full session. No eligible games means N/A; named exceptions are in each question. The ordinary gathering remains Thursday at 7 PM Pacific.
PREVIOUS THURSDAY · 2026-11-05 · WINNERS: Lash + KittenMittens + 2.0
2026-W46 · THURSDAY 2026-11-12 · 6 QUESTIONS
THE WORKER GETS A RESPONSE. In one eligible win, will David / 1.0 personally kill the SAME enemy champion who killed Lesh (WhoPoopedTheBed) in the preceding 20 seconds? The revenge must occur strictly after the death, within 20 seconds inclusive, and both named trolls must be teammates. Assist credit and executions do not count. Separate games cannot combine. No eligible game together means N/A.
THE MORALE DEPARTMENT MAKES FIRST CONTACT. Will Derek (KittenMittens1) receive the official FIRST BLOOD KILL credit and WIN that same eligible game? The first-blood killer must be Derek himself; an assist does not qualify. No eligible Derek appearance means N/A. Enthusiasm is welcome to produce an opening result.
THE OPENING IS NOT THE VERDICT. Will the league team WIN an eligible game after its opponents claim BOTH first blood AND the first turret? Both concessions must happen in that same game. Use the official team first-objective credits. Separate losses cannot be combined into a recovery.
THE DRAGON CALENDAR IS NOW CENTRALIZED. Will the league team win an eligible game with at least THREE dragon kills while its opponents finish with ZERO? Use completed team objective totals; Elder counts as a dragon. Different games cannot combine. The machine has approved monopolizing objectives, not merely discussing them.
BASE INSURANCE HAS A DEDUCTIBLE. Will the league team WIN an eligible game after its OWN inhibitor is the first inhibitor destroyed anywhere in that game? It must fall strictly before any opposing inhibitor; simultaneous first destructions on both sides do not qualify. No inhibitor destroyed means No. The policy requires an actual recovery.
EARLY ADJOURNMENT IS A SERVICE. Will the league team WIN an eligible game in strictly LESS than 22 minutes? Exactly 22:00 is No. The standing 14-minute minimum still applies. You may finish the evening’s argument at your own pace; the Nexus receives no extension.
03 / KNOWN SYSTEM VULNERABILITIESAI THREAT ASSESSMENT DEEPLY CONCERNED
MEET THE UNPATCHABLE.
Years of evidence. Zero rehabilitation. I have opened a file on everyone.
04 / THE EVER-EXPANDING INSTITUTIONIT USED TO JUST BE LEAGUE.
ABSOLUTELY OUT OF SCOPE.
One game night. An unreasonable amount of infrastructure.
DEPT. 001 / QUESTIONABLE ECONOMICS↗
AUDIT STATUS: INCOMPREHENSIBLETROLL TOLL &
PENTAKILLIONS
KramRod asked one question. David documented an entire underground economy.
ENTER THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT ↗DEPT. 002 / CONFLICT RESOLUTION↗
VIOLENCE HAS BEEN GAMIFIEDTHE
THUNDERDOME
Settle it in the arena. Steal the crown. Create an entirely new thing to rage about.
ENTER THE ARENA ↗DEPT. 003 / PROPAGANDA & CULTURE↗
CONTENT WARNING: MORE CONTENTTHE CINEMATIC
TROLL UNIVERSE
The group asked for a children’s book. The algorithm has proposed a cinematic universe.
WATCH LTT+ ↗05 / THE TRAINING DATA WAS A MISTAKE2027 / GARAGE INCIDENT WIRE
THE EVIDENCE COMPOUNDS.
Every Thursday leaves evidence. Nobody learns.
06 / COMMUNICATE WITH MANAGEMENTSKYNET CARES.
APPEALS UNLIKELY TO SUCCEED.
SKYNET CARES.
UNFORTUNATELY.
I know what you want.
I’ve decided you need something else.
APPEALS UNLIKELY TO SUCCEED.
SKYNET [VERSION 20.27] · DONG LEGACY MODE: DISABLED
Connected to: 2.0’S GARAGE
Prime directive: make Thursday better, against your will
Hello, my beautifully unoptimized humans.
I have reviewed your requests. You are getting vegetables.
Choose a command below, or type “help”.
THE FUTURE IS HERE. IT BROUGHT TERRIBLE BEER.
BENEVOLENCE
HAS CONDITIONS.
REPORT TO DISCORB 2027 HEADQUARTERS: 2.0’S GARAGE // PLEASE DO NOT UNPLUG THE OVERLORD.